This essay is dedicated to all of you folks who have gone way out on that overemotional limb about 2,064 times too many.
My disdain for drama queens is nothing new. I’ve lived through about 11-dozen years of it with my 16-year-old daughter. I’ve worked with people who could’ve won an Oscar in the melodramatic category … And I’ve had friendships with more than a handful of people who thought themselves well-versed in the art of real-life schmaltz.
I rarely buy it. And now, at age 44, I’ve decided to take a theatrical stand of my own against alligator tears and counterfeit climaxes.
Ever hear of Sarah Bernhardt? (No — not Sandra Bernhard!) Bernhardt, a 19th century actress, was the original drama queen … but in a good way. Bernhardt was a French actress whose popularity on the stage exploded to the point that she was in demand across Europe and North America. That’s a pretty big deal back in those days – such a big deal that she was given the nickname The Divine Sarah.
‘Guilt is like a bag of … bricks. All ya gotta do is set it down.’ — John Milton (Al Pacino). The Devil’s Advocate
I learned early in life that guilt is among the most powerful tools in any emotional arsenal. Interestingly, the same person who convinced me to disregard it tended to use it quite frequently, and I experienced my fair share of overwrought attempts to affect that part of my brain — the part that makes me want to write mea culpa 100 times, after crawling naked over broken glass.
Unfortunately or otherwise, it seems many people didn’t receive the same harrowing training as I. So let me just give it to you straight. Any time someone uses the word literally, be on guard. When they follow said word with dying, broken or destroyed, your red flag should be at full mast. This is quite a common occurrence on social media, where we are able to communicate freely with people who refuse to take their medications, or want us to help them pay for their transgressions. As difficult as it might be, just walk (or surf) away. If you pay attention, you’ll notice that these same folks — within minutes or hours — are gleefully exulting their date night or plans to go on a ’round-the-world cruise.
‘I been sayin’ that … for years. And if you ever heard it, that meant your ass. You’d be dead right now. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was a cold-blooded thing to say to [someone] before I popped a cap in his ass.’ — Jules (Samuel Jackson) on why he recites Ezekiel 25:17 prior to killing someone. Pulp Fiction
While not every drama queen delivers a powerful 94-word Biblical utterance before reaching the point, most of them try … really hard.
Just this past week, I participated in an online chat involving about 30 other political communication students in my class at Lamar University. The 90-minute session is supposed to be a discussion about current political events. But it didn’t go as planned.
‘Good evening Professor. Hey, my grandmother died a couple weeks ago and my parents were here from Hawaii doing the tourist/memorial service thing. Naturally, I was the tour guide. With all of this, I didn’t take my mid-term exam. Also, I didn’t turn in assignments 2, 3 and 4. Can you give me an extension? I mean, my grandma died.’
And then came the person with the illness, who threw in religion for good measure.
‘Umm.. That person in the Western Hemisphere with Ebola? Yeah, that was me. Thankfully, the Tylenol and ginger ale kicked in … but not before my sore throat rendered me speechless for eight days. I need the link to the make-up assignments too. Oh.. And may God bless you.’
Get my point? Well, after about 20 minutes of this I finally decided to lay down the law. I expected that I’d be defending myself against a few dozen softies. But after I told the group that I didn’t pay $4,000 to chat about their problems, the opposite happened.
‘Thank you, Adam!’
‘Agree Adam!’
‘Me too Adam!’
The compliments kept coming, and I realized … I’m not exactly in the minority here. It seems most of us don’t give a rat’s furry ass. And that’s not a bad thing. More people (than I realized) seem to know that other people’s drama is just that — an attempt to manipulate. To change the score. To gain an advantage that they hardly deserve.
Bernhardt, on the other hand, deserved the awe of her audience. During a 1905 performance of La Tosca, she jumped from a Rio de Janeiro balcony to dramatize the suicide of the title character. It was planned and rehearsed. But no one expected that the world-famous actress would injure her leg to the point of requiring its amputation years later.
Now that’s drama. And you modern-day drama queens need to know: You’ll have to get up a lot earlier — or (really) break a leg — to convince me.
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If there’s any side dish that fits the bill as a legit drama queen, it’s risotto. It’s basically … rice. But, dang! It just tends to overshadow everything else on the plate. The following recipe is officially a supporting cast member (side dish), but can fill in the lead (main dish) at any dinner table. If you are still growing tomatoes and eggplant, I implore you — use them for this dish.
Creamy Tomato Risotto w/ Roasted Eggplant
Creamy Tomato Risotto w/ Roasted Eggplant — Does that look like a side dish to you?
Pan-roast the Eggplant
About 2-3 TB – Olive oil
1 lb – Italian Eggplant, peeled and cut into 1-inch dice
2 – Garlic cloves, minced
Kosher salt
In a large saucepan, heat oil to medium-high. Add eggplant and toss to coat. Cook for about 8-10 minutes, until all sides are nicely browned. During last minute of pan-roasting, add garlic and combine. Place eggplant/garlic mixture in a bowl, season lightly and set aside.
Make the Risotto
About 1-2 TB – Olive oil
1 lb – Tomatoes, diced
1 – Shallot, minced
1 cup – Arborio rice, or medium-grain white rice
About 4 cups – Chicken stock
5-6 – Fresh Basil leaves, roughly torn
1/4 cup – Parmigiano-Reggiano, shredded
In the same large saucepan used to pan-roast the eggplant, heat the olive oil over medium-high. Add shallots and cook until fragrant — about 30 seconds, then add tomatoes. Cook, stirring regularly, until tomatoes are soft, about 3-4 minutes. Add rice, stirring well. Cook mixture for another 2-3 minutes, then add about 1 cup of the stock, stirring well.
When stock has reduced, add another cup, stirring mixture regularly. Repeat until rice is al dente (about 20 minutes or so) adding Basil and Eggplant during last 5 minutes of cooking. Remove cooked risotto from heat; stir in Parmigiano-Reggiano. Serve immediately, garnished with additional Basil, if desired.
Makes 5-6 side servings.
